26 August 2017

Feel better now. I thought I would have to go to the ER a couple of days ago. My stomach still hurts horribly if I use it at all, tighten my muscles, hold my stomach in at all, poop too hard, etc. I guess I just have to be very careful about what goes in my mouth. Also my body feels extremely tired. I long for a nap and I've barely done anything. I don't feel as bad as when my iron was extremely low though. I had iron infusions and I feel much better.

22 August 2017

I was almost better 100% and then I took some medication called Uceris that Mayo Clinic suggested I take and I am really bad off now. It's horrible and painful and I feel awful. I don't even want to describe the event which led me to take the medication. I will leave that for another day when I am feeling up to it. I am as not tired as I was since I had iron injections recently, and my body doesn't ache (I can see now it ached because of severe loss of blood) but my abdomen is in a great deal of sporadic pain. It is awful.

31 May 2017

Just mailed off my POOP to Mayo Clinic. I've been there before, but never mailed my poop there before. I informed the FedEx guy that it was poop I was mailing in case it was offensive and I shouldn't do it, even though I knew I could do it. It seems so wrong. Anyway, the FedEx guy was fine with it. He told me he had to mail his poop before as well, so it's all good. That was pretty nice of him. Now that I'm going to Mayo Clinic on the 12th and 13th, I seem quite healthy relatively. I still have run a fever though from UC and I was up every 20 minutes all night the night before then had to go to work. That was horrible.

The poop sample was total liquid. It was pee from my poop. Not urine, but liquid poop. At least it mixed well with the preservative. It stank so much. Working in a lab must be so horrible. Imagine getting samples of peoples' poop from all over. *gag*

10 May 2017

Great article: https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/apr/29/ulcerative-colitis-painful-crippling-humiliating

9 May 2017

I was basically doing ok for a couple of days then tonight, I ate too much and now I am feeling not ok. My body is aching terribly. Profound aches all over. I keep having to go to the washroom. If I cough lately, I poop a little. This is in the last six months. It's horrible. It's so difficult to be public friendly at work when I'm so sick.

4 May 2017

Feeling better today. Still ill, but better, so that's good. I think today I am tired because of simply needing sleep. Had a nap when I came home from work and I'm much better now. My stomach hurt a lot in the morning, but it got better and now it's pretty good.

25th April 2017

Well crapped my pants at work today. At least it was somewhat chunky and not completely runny. I was wearing a sanitary napkin so it caught it. I was able to make it to the washroom for the rest. I had to tell my work people about it and go home. I could have stayed if I had an extra pad, but I didn't and I didn't want to buy a Costco sized pack just then when everyone knew. I also was feeling horribly defeated. I tried to run to the closest washroom which was at the back of the store from where I was in receiving and when I got there the door was locked and someone was in there. After that I knew I wouldn't make it. I tried to run to the front of the store to the other washrooms and I got only about 1/4 of the way and poop squeezed out. My stomach was in a great deal of pain the entire morning and after I tried to make myself poop more out (more did come out) my stomach still hurt. I went to the washroom a couple of more times and I had to use toilet paper to create a barrier between me and my underwear in case of further issues. The toilet paper kept riding up and moving around and I was afraid it would come out of my pants in public. Also, if I had another accident it would go straight onto my underwear and then onto my jeans and everyone would smell and see it.

All I can do it make it home to sleep. I am completely exhausted ALL THE TIME. I get excited when I know I can to go sleep and lie in bed. When it's bed time I am so happy.

12 April 2017

Started bawling today. Couldn't find my keys and I am missing appointments. Slept all night and until one in the afternoon. Got out of bed at 2:00 p.m. Had a fever of 101.4 F most of the night. Now it's down to 100. On the toilet all night but after 8:00 a.m. I was better and slept solid until 1:00 p.m. Still have the fever though. Eating chicken noodle soup and a bagel at 4:58 p.m. It'll probably keep me ill until tomorrow when I have to work. I must eat though. I am so sick. I keep crying. It's so difficult having a life and working and dealing with family and trying to manage this disease. I'm so completely exhausted. My butt can't take pooping anymore.

1 April 2017

It has been really bad lately in terms of exhaustion. I came home from work yesterday and fell asleep at 3:30 p.m. then slept until almost 7:00 p.m. Then I went back to sleep at 10:00 p.m. and woke up at 7:00 a.m. At around noon today I was so exhausted I wanted to sleep on the floor of the hairdresser's place while waiting to get my hair cut. I was fantasizing about it and feeling like I wanted to cry because I wanted to just sleep so badly. I am finally alone at home and I can sleep, but my daughter will be home soon from playing at the park and I want to spend some more time with her.

I have had terrible diarrhea lately. The blood content in it varies. Sometimes there's none and sometimes there's a lot. When there's a lot of blood by abdomen hurts very badly and when I poop it feels like I might poop my insides out. That happens as well. Unrelated, my shoulder hurts terribly much from work (lifting all the time and too much repetitively for eight hours straight with breaks of 1/2 hour for lunch and two fifteen minute breaks). A lot of people don't actually work like that that work at Costco, it just so happens that that is the type of job I have there. I am asking to move, but I don't know if where I move to will be any better. I don't know what else I can do for work.

24th March 2017

I had four weeks off from Costco. Winter Leave. I was still needing a nap every two hours but only got a nap once per day as I was trying to accomplish things like clean, go through my 9-year-old's room, the usual mother things.

I have been back at work for three days now. It's incredible that I am able to accomplish the things I do. I'm thoroughly exhausted. Every person I talk to has been extremely ignorant regarding their knowledge about Ulcerative Colitis. I'm talking about the health care providers I've consulting since being diagnosed with this disease in 2009 I think it was. The only people that seem to know what they are talking about are the people at Mayo Clinic. Thank goodness an establishment exists which is capable of managing and treating this disease. I should move down there simply for the opporunity to surround myself with people who understand what I'm saying and who help me treat this disease when it becomes terrible.

The most alarming part about trying to see a health care provider for this disease is their total disregard for what I am trying to tell them. I'm so tired. I would just like to eat something without fear and work without pain.

8 March 2017

I've been resting for over a week now. Just resting. No work at all. I feel much better. My bowls are still subject to the same reactions from eating, however my fatigue has greatly improved. If I do anything too much I am still tired and I have to come home and take a nap, other than that, I am pretty good.

I also need to take a nap even if I do nothing though. If I watch TV, eat, read, then I'm really tired if that takes about three hours. I just have to close my eyes and I have to nap. The feeling like I will cry isn't as bad though. My eyes actually hurt if I stay awake too long, but overall I'm much better. My body aching has reduced greatly. It's excellent. I am starting to feel like maybe I can do something, undertake a project or something.

I have a while to go that I get to relax. I'm going to take full advantage of it.

28 February 2017

Thank goodness I don't work today. I was up all night with horrible stomach pain. I hope I can rest today and that it settles down. Not o my did I have to use the washroom every half hour or more, but I had a great deal of burning pain.

27 February 2017

Always bubbling guts. Never stopping. No rest until I stop eating. So annoying. But hole is going to die. So vulgar yet so necessary to discuss.

I'm so exhausted all the time. Deep bone exhaustion as if I've run marathons for days. I try to do something and I fall asleep if I don't keep moving. It doesn't matter what time of the day it is. I wake up from sleeping all night, get dressed, wash up, then I am ready to sleep again. I make  myself to out and do something, I return after an hour or two and sleep again. I try to stay awake and read or watch TV because I'm too tired to do anything else and I fall asleep doing it.

29 January 2017

My exhaustion is tipping the scales of tolerability. I don't know if I can get up every single day. I am so exhausted always. I crapped myself about ten times this month, but I always wear a pad, so it wasn't a horrible one like I posted a while ago. That's only happened once. I am so tired though. I can't stand it. I fantasize about sleeping when I'm not sleeping and I am worried about the next day every day wondering how I'll do it. I seem to be ok if I don't have to wake up at 3 for work and stock shelves for five hours. When I have time off and laze around, I certainly get better, but who can live like that and how can my body stay healthy if I am a slob? I don't know. This job has helped so much. It makes me move, but it may be too much for me to handle. It is too much for a lot of healthy people, but maybe a lot of people are just lazy. Everything aches.

17 January 2017

Exploding poop today which is so urgent I didn't totally make it twice. The other times I did. Poop and blood exploded all around the toilet in every conceivable white space. I was impressed. How can that even happen? My butt made a noise that I couldn't believe it even made. Usually you always feel it make a noise, such as the usual farting noise or pooping noise. This butt of mine also made a gurgle that I didn't feel. So weird. I feel so bad about the toilet. So gross.

11 January 2017

The joint pain is terrible. I came in from shoveling yesterday and I just about went to the hospital. It was terrible. It became better after a while, but still hurt and the pain never really subsided. I see a doctor on the 13th of February and he'll refer me to a specialist in the field. I also want to see a specialist regarding my bones, my knees, my shoulder and my feet. It could all be linked to my Ulcerative Colitis and the autoimmune condition which I think may spur on arthritis. Still crapping blood and low in iron.

3 January 2017

I am exhausted all the time. Absolute bone-crushing fatique is what I feel 100% of the day. My whole ten days off all I could think about when I was moving in any way was not moving. When I could go to bed it was exciting. When I use the toilet to poop chunks of jello-like darker red pieces come out that I know are not poop. I can't afford to go to the doctor. I'm afraid to go to the doctor when I have paid off my current doctor bill which is around $400. My dentist bill is around $400 as well from when I had a cap put on my tooth this summer. Then there's daily bills from normal life like mortgage. I don't want to incur any more debt, so I refuse to go to the doctor until I have enough money to comfortably pay for the doctor.

I feel like sitting around all the time. I did for seven days while on vacation. I didn't do anything physical except paint (fine art). Then I'd take a break and fall asleep on the couch, wake up an hour later then try to watch TV or paint. That's all I did. I made myself do some things with my daughters though. I took them sledding and went on a hike with the older one. I also did everything Christmas on the 24th - 26th.