11 June 2016

I had some yogurt, because it's supposed to be good because of probiotics. It made me so sick I felt like puking for over a day. I was panicking because I was weak and so sick. I'm dripping with sweat from the slightest exertions. I mean, I guess it IS over 80 degrees Fahrenheit but even in the air-conditioned house I feel completely exhausted from anything I do regardless of how little the effort is. Typing this is an effort, but I'm not tired. I have NO IDEA how I'm going to do my job on Monday socking shelves at Costco. Very physically demanding. I'll have to figure it out though. The problem is eating anything. ANYTHING. These blogs and websites I go to that suggest what to eat are horrendously inaccurate. Almonds were on the list of what to eat... are they kidding??! That's one of the absolute worst things to eat. If I'm 100% healthy and eat almonds, that gives me an attack and I could possibly miss work for the day. It's crazy that they have that on their website. And yogurt is another one. NO. NO yogurt. Not in the middle of an attack anyway. Perhaps afterwards. There's way too much protein in it. Anything with protein makes my intestines crazy. The toilet bowl is filled with blood after I poop. Protein AND fiber are very pain-inducing combinations. Like almonds, or most nuts. Applesauce is another one on the list. Too much fiber. NO.

Here's what I can eat in the middle of an attack: Lipton Soup made with a lot of water and water. Maybe Koolaid... never tried it. Anything without nutrients in it seems to be OK. Some teas seem to be OK.

My skin feels cold right now even when I'm hot. I have a slight headache and I feel somewhat off balance even when I'm lying down. I just had my period and I bleed like I'm hemorrhaging when I have it. On top of that, for over a week before that and a week after ever time I pooped the toilet bowl was full of blood. I am quite sure I am very low in blood and that is what is causing the headache and off balance feeling. I find it a bit difficult to concentrate as well. I must be very low in blood. I am usually fatigued, but this time it is very bad. It is difficult to smile at work and I am supposed to.

I had a potato last week or two weeks ago. That was awful for my body. The websites all say potatoes are good for you when you have UC. I can't figure out who writes these websites. They have no clue, yet write this stuff like they know. They have a degree and think because they have a degree they can tell us what to do and what to eat. They really need to start listening to patients who experience the illness or they are going to kill people. "They" are the experts that write these instructions.

Local doctors seem to have no idea what to do either. They don't listen either. Mayo Clinic did. So that's one good thing. yay.

I was 155 lbs two weeks ago and now I'm 140 lbs. If I get to 125 lbs, at that point maybe I'll go to the doctor. I just can't stand them though. The doctor is like a horrifying prison where people get to decide what to do to your body medically and if you argue or try to explain that certain things don't work with your body, YOU are crazy. I told the doctor I was pregnant with my youngest, for example, and the doctor told me I wasn't and when I insisted I was, the doctor told me that I needed to see a psychiatrist. The doctor arranged a D&C for two weeks from the time I saw him. I asked for one more check and the doctor stated that I was, in fact, pregnant. How's that? My daughter would be dead if I had listened to the doctor.

But, they do have all that schooling, so I feel inclined, for my own chances of survival, to consult with them and see what they have to say about whatever is ailing me. I like their opinion. After I get the opinion, if he/she/doctor and I agree with the treatment, I view that as a course of action. I don't view it as a course of action to make an appointment, tell the doctor my symptoms and then do whatever the doctor says regardless of how I feel about it. I was given this body. It is up to me to take care of it the best I know how. I also don't view my body as simply a body of flesh and bones. I view myself as a spiritual person as well. My spirit is a major part of my body and my conduct in this life involves all aspects of my person-hood. This doctor I may see has no idea what my spirit consists of in relation to my body. He/she has no right to make decisions concerning me. The doctor has a right to give opinions on what he/she thinks I should do and needs to respect that opinion.

Anyway, I am thinking about this situation because I may have to see a doctor soon. It's about fifteen pounds away.