26 June 2016

So I was thinking to myself how to get rid of the hemorrhoid without surgery. I don't have time for surgery (maybe some day) and I don't want to pay for it. I started thinking today of Vicks Vap o Rub. I love the smell of that stuff. I was afraid to just try it, so I googled it and a lot of people said that it worked very well. Some said it burned like crazy. So, It tried it. Yes. It burns pretty bad, but the pain is not worse than the hemorrhoid itself and yet there's a chance it could get better.

My Ulcerative Colitis isn't better yet. My stomach hurts a lot but I ate today. I had some roast beef (worst thing for me.. well, one of them) potatoes and gravy and then in the evening I had some cream of chicken soup. Quite small amounts were consumed, but I ate it and I haven't reacted too terribly badly yet.

My poop for the last week has consisted of a stream of total black pee out my butt. Sometimes there's a pinch of texture in there, but mostly black pee. It smells like a person who has been dead for a couple of weeks or however long it takes and there body is swollen with rotted liquid and then someone comes around and pokes it with a stick and rotten fester pops forth with a stench so powerful starving wild animals wouldn't touch it. Right now my butt smells like Vicks Vap O Rub though.

25 June 2016

Well, the hemorrhoid was so painful today at work I just about passed out. I was sent out to pick up garbage in the sweltering humidity and it was about 90 F. I was absolutely soaked in sweat in about fifteen minutes. At the end of forty-five minutes, I couldn't see because sweat was pouring off my face and into my eyes. It stung as well. Every time I bent over to pick up garbage, the hemorrhoid squeezed and I could barely stand the pain. I had to do it over and over again to pick up garbage. I began to become really dizzy, and since I could scarcely see anyway and it was close to my normal break time I went inside. My co-workers said I was very white and asked me if I was OK. I said I'm just going to cool off in the cooler (the one we store things in) for a couple of minutes. I could only stand it in there for what seemed like five minutes. I began shivering. I was still wet with sweat though. I took my break then began helping at the front end back-floating. My manager, well one of them, asked me how the garbage picking was going, so I supposed she was annoyed. I told her I was soaked in sweat so I came in. The other manager said I did the right thing. So that saved me at least.

Anyway, the hemorrhoid was hurting terribly as well. I also had to continue to go to the washroom which made me look bad at work and also aggravated the hemorrhoid. To make a long story short, when I got up after finally getting to sit down at seven at night there was some blood there and at the back of my jeans. I am hoping it seeped out of the hemorrhoid. It was still very painful though and so I had a hot bath and tried to cut it with my box cutters to have the inside of it leak out and I could heal. Well, now I have a flap of skin there and nothing came out. I put Melaleuca oil on it. I hope that's ok because it burns like crazy. Very very painful. It's still swollen out of my but and I can't imagine working like this tomorrow, but I'll have to.

It doesn't help that I have to poop every hour.

23 June 2016

I had two taste samples at work (Costco) and two eggs for dinner and a tiny amount of frozen yogurt at Tutti Frutti and two pieces of red liquorice. That's it. All day. I feel no hunger though. Everyone else was eating, I know I'm supposed to, and I like the taste. Anyway, from last night's shepherd's pie I had very bad bowls this morning and had to go to the washroom about 15 times at work. So my hemorrhoids returned. A huge painful engorged piece off flesh protruding out of my butt. It is so painful that moving hurts it and standing still hurts it. I have to poop about 40 + times per day and each time I'm terrified of the pain that is going to come and the hemorrhoid becomes larger. It feels like it is smaller than a golf ball and much bigger than a walnut. My stomach hurts too. I think that there may be less blood though. I'm so scared of the hemorrhoid. It's so painful and weird.

21 June 2016

My stomach took a full on lunch at Toscana's. Well, I ate the soup, then had a few bites of the sandwich or whatever it was... it was kind of like a burrito with chicken and peppers and a chipole sauce. At night I ate the rest of the sandwich. I shouldn't have and my stomach is in turmoil and I'm afraid to walk any distance from a toilet, but I ate it!!

20 June 2016

Well, I thought I was doing well. I tried to eat a meal a couple of days ago and the repercussions were not too bad. I only went to the washroom about twenty times afterwards and it never really ended. So then I ate a meal again the next day. Same result. The blood wasn't too bad. Today I ate a bowl of mashed potatoes since the infinitely intelligent doctors have that listed as one of the foods to eat if you have UC. The result was a bowl full of clotted and loose blood flooding the bowl, so I was too bold with the food thing. I lost another pound as well. Now I'm 139 lbs. I'm dizzy when I stand. I also still owe the doctor money ($168.00). There's change as well, but I'm not sure how much change. I just paid them $50.00 last month. My stomach always hurts. If I move, it hurts and a wave of sickness overwhelms me. It's kind of like when you are about to have a bought of diarrhea and you get that wave of nausea and overwhelming illness, then you poop and it all comes out and you feel better. I actually run a fever as well. My fever is usually 101.2.

14 June 2016

Today was better than yesterday. My stomach hurt, but I didn't have a fever all day I think. My muscles feel weak and it's difficult to work, but I haven't had to urgently poop all day until I came home. My stomach hurts, but not as bad. It wasn't until after I had a second chocolate milk after work and a bag of Funions that my stomach started to broil. I thought the Funions would be OK since there's very little nutritional value in them. There's probably oil though. I think it was the chocolate milk that was bad too, but that stuff is good for replenishing nourishment which is what I need. That is all I ate today. I drank some water as well. There's less blood.

Ok, it's evening now. Because I was feeling so healthy I ate two breaded chicken breasts with bar-b-Q sauce and a small bowl of musilix. Now I feel totally ill. I have to use the washroom constantly. I didn't check for blood. My current temperature is 101.2 degrees Fahrenheit. I'm worried about being able to handle work tomorrow. At least today went well and I felt good the entire time. I was exhausted, but my stomach didn't hurt as bad.

13 June 2016

I have a temperature of 101.2 since yesterday when I took it; Possibly longer, but I just took it yesterday for the first time. Moving hurts my stomach. I drank a chocolate milk, 150 calories and a large pink lemonade at Taco Bell which tasted horrible. I also had water. that's all I've been able to take in all day. It's now 4:33 p.m. in the afternoon. I don't want to eat because I want to go to work tomorrow. I can't believe I haven't crapped everything I've ingested out of me. I've gone to the bathroom about 25 times. What could possibly be left to poop out?

My skin feels cold frequently and I'm cold when other people aren't. It is a good thing it is in the 80s all week. I have a pounding headache. I think that's from lack of blood. It's bearable though. I took two Ibuprofen even though I don't really like taking medication. I need to get to work. I have Thursday and Friday off, then Saturday and Sunday. I have four days to try to make myself better. I can't stand doing this. Like work isn't difficult enough without wondering if you'll pass out while working. I stock shelves for five hours. After that the tasks are variable. Today I pulled weeds for three hours after stocking shelves. It was over 80 degrees Fahrenheit out. I was dizzy every time I stood up and thought I'd poop myself almost constantly. I have two more years at this job though to make over $50,000.00/year. That's my goal. Last two more years. Even if I were to become fabulously wealthy somehow before then, I want to make it to five years. Come on Body! You can do it!!

12 June 2016

I'm so sick. Puke is lurking just around the corner all the time. That awful sick feeling just before an explosion of terrible diarrhea Is a constant that simply fluctuates in intensity. I start sweating at the slightest exertion. My skin surface feels cold and I'm exhausted all the time. Actually crapping is the greatest part because there's a few moments of hope where I think I might just get better. Then it comes back in waves. All I want is to feel OK and to eat with no issues. I don't even know how I am going to be able to go to work tomorrow. It seems at this point that it will be impossible. We'll see though. Perhaps I'll be able to pull it off and all next week off and I'll be able to work like normal.

11 June 2016

I had some yogurt, because it's supposed to be good because of probiotics. It made me so sick I felt like puking for over a day. I was panicking because I was weak and so sick. I'm dripping with sweat from the slightest exertions. I mean, I guess it IS over 80 degrees Fahrenheit but even in the air-conditioned house I feel completely exhausted from anything I do regardless of how little the effort is. Typing this is an effort, but I'm not tired. I have NO IDEA how I'm going to do my job on Monday socking shelves at Costco. Very physically demanding. I'll have to figure it out though. The problem is eating anything. ANYTHING. These blogs and websites I go to that suggest what to eat are horrendously inaccurate. Almonds were on the list of what to eat... are they kidding??! That's one of the absolute worst things to eat. If I'm 100% healthy and eat almonds, that gives me an attack and I could possibly miss work for the day. It's crazy that they have that on their website. And yogurt is another one. NO. NO yogurt. Not in the middle of an attack anyway. Perhaps afterwards. There's way too much protein in it. Anything with protein makes my intestines crazy. The toilet bowl is filled with blood after I poop. Protein AND fiber are very pain-inducing combinations. Like almonds, or most nuts. Applesauce is another one on the list. Too much fiber. NO.

Here's what I can eat in the middle of an attack: Lipton Soup made with a lot of water and water. Maybe Koolaid... never tried it. Anything without nutrients in it seems to be OK. Some teas seem to be OK.

My skin feels cold right now even when I'm hot. I have a slight headache and I feel somewhat off balance even when I'm lying down. I just had my period and I bleed like I'm hemorrhaging when I have it. On top of that, for over a week before that and a week after ever time I pooped the toilet bowl was full of blood. I am quite sure I am very low in blood and that is what is causing the headache and off balance feeling. I find it a bit difficult to concentrate as well. I must be very low in blood. I am usually fatigued, but this time it is very bad. It is difficult to smile at work and I am supposed to.

I had a potato last week or two weeks ago. That was awful for my body. The websites all say potatoes are good for you when you have UC. I can't figure out who writes these websites. They have no clue, yet write this stuff like they know. They have a degree and think because they have a degree they can tell us what to do and what to eat. They really need to start listening to patients who experience the illness or they are going to kill people. "They" are the experts that write these instructions.

Local doctors seem to have no idea what to do either. They don't listen either. Mayo Clinic did. So that's one good thing. yay.

I was 155 lbs two weeks ago and now I'm 140 lbs. If I get to 125 lbs, at that point maybe I'll go to the doctor. I just can't stand them though. The doctor is like a horrifying prison where people get to decide what to do to your body medically and if you argue or try to explain that certain things don't work with your body, YOU are crazy. I told the doctor I was pregnant with my youngest, for example, and the doctor told me I wasn't and when I insisted I was, the doctor told me that I needed to see a psychiatrist. The doctor arranged a D&C for two weeks from the time I saw him. I asked for one more check and the doctor stated that I was, in fact, pregnant. How's that? My daughter would be dead if I had listened to the doctor.

But, they do have all that schooling, so I feel inclined, for my own chances of survival, to consult with them and see what they have to say about whatever is ailing me. I like their opinion. After I get the opinion, if he/she/doctor and I agree with the treatment, I view that as a course of action. I don't view it as a course of action to make an appointment, tell the doctor my symptoms and then do whatever the doctor says regardless of how I feel about it. I was given this body. It is up to me to take care of it the best I know how. I also don't view my body as simply a body of flesh and bones. I view myself as a spiritual person as well. My spirit is a major part of my body and my conduct in this life involves all aspects of my person-hood. This doctor I may see has no idea what my spirit consists of in relation to my body. He/she has no right to make decisions concerning me. The doctor has a right to give opinions on what he/she thinks I should do and needs to respect that opinion.

Anyway, I am thinking about this situation because I may have to see a doctor soon. It's about fifteen pounds away.

7th June 2016

My stomach is a boiling pit of pain and burning. I am up for work. I have to be there by 5 a.m. and it is a twenty minute drive. It's 3:07 a.m. right now. I'm going to get in the tub. I've been up every hour since I went to bed at ten p.m. I've been up constantly since 3:50 a.m. sitting on the toilet.

I didn't eat very much most of yesterday. I thought it would be OK to eat a potato since the doctors (who usually don't know anything about UC) suggested potato and applesauce and rice as the foods that are OK to eat). Once again, they are dead wrong. They know very little about this disease. Applesauce is just as bad as eating a chocolate bar or cereal with whole grain or anything of the sort. It makes no difference what I eat. It all hurts. Meat is the worst followed by anything with fiber, followed by ANY fruit or vegetable, followed by anything with protein in it followed by... don't know. When it gets really bad, chewing gum hurts it. Aspartame or sucrolose, even the tiny amount that is in gum is very awful. I think Stevia is OK. Not sure.

Lipton soup with no real chicken in it can be digested with little disturbance. The powdered kind that comes in a package that is mostly water with some flavor.

I can't write more. I am off the toilet and in the tub. I have to get ready for work.