12 April 2017

Started bawling today. Couldn't find my keys and I am missing appointments. Slept all night and until one in the afternoon. Got out of bed at 2:00 p.m. Had a fever of 101.4 F most of the night. Now it's down to 100. On the toilet all night but after 8:00 a.m. I was better and slept solid until 1:00 p.m. Still have the fever though. Eating chicken noodle soup and a bagel at 4:58 p.m. It'll probably keep me ill until tomorrow when I have to work. I must eat though. I am so sick. I keep crying. It's so difficult having a life and working and dealing with family and trying to manage this disease. I'm so completely exhausted. My butt can't take pooping anymore.

1 April 2017

It has been really bad lately in terms of exhaustion. I came home from work yesterday and fell asleep at 3:30 p.m. then slept until almost 7:00 p.m. Then I went back to sleep at 10:00 p.m. and woke up at 7:00 a.m. At around noon today I was so exhausted I wanted to sleep on the floor of the hairdresser's place while waiting to get my hair cut. I was fantasizing about it and feeling like I wanted to cry because I wanted to just sleep so badly. I am finally alone at home and I can sleep, but my daughter will be home soon from playing at the park and I want to spend some more time with her.

I have had terrible diarrhea lately. The blood content in it varies. Sometimes there's none and sometimes there's a lot. When there's a lot of blood by abdomen hurts very badly and when I poop it feels like I might poop my insides out. That happens as well. Unrelated, my shoulder hurts terribly much from work (lifting all the time and too much repetitively for eight hours straight with breaks of 1/2 hour for lunch and two fifteen minute breaks). A lot of people don't actually work like that that work at Costco, it just so happens that that is the type of job I have there. I am asking to move, but I don't know if where I move to will be any better. I don't know what else I can do for work.

24th March 2017

I had four weeks off from Costco. Winter Leave. I was still needing a nap every two hours but only got a nap once per day as I was trying to accomplish things like clean, go through my 9-year-old's room, the usual mother things.

I have been back at work for three days now. It's incredible that I am able to accomplish the things I do. I'm thoroughly exhausted. Every person I talk to has been extremely ignorant regarding their knowledge about Ulcerative Colitis. I'm talking about the health care providers I've consulting since being diagnosed with this disease in 2009 I think it was. The only people that seem to know what they are talking about are the people at Mayo Clinic. Thank goodness an establishment exists which is capable of managing and treating this disease. I should move down there simply for the opporunity to surround myself with people who understand what I'm saying and who help me treat this disease when it becomes terrible.

The most alarming part about trying to see a health care provider for this disease is their total disregard for what I am trying to tell them. I'm so tired. I would just like to eat something without fear and work without pain.

8 March 2017

I've been resting for over a week now. Just resting. No work at all. I feel much better. My bowls are still subject to the same reactions from eating, however my fatigue has greatly improved. If I do anything too much I am still tired and I have to come home and take a nap, other than that, I am pretty good.

I also need to take a nap even if I do nothing though. If I watch TV, eat, read, then I'm really tired if that takes about three hours. I just have to close my eyes and I have to nap. The feeling like I will cry isn't as bad though. My eyes actually hurt if I stay awake too long, but overall I'm much better. My body aching has reduced greatly. It's excellent. I am starting to feel like maybe I can do something, undertake a project or something.

I have a while to go that I get to relax. I'm going to take full advantage of it.

28 February 2017

Thank goodness I don't work today. I was up all night with horrible stomach pain. I hope I can rest today and that it settles down. Not o my did I have to use the washroom every half hour or more, but I had a great deal of burning pain.

27 February 2017

Always bubbling guts. Never stopping. No rest until I stop eating. So annoying. But hole is going to die. So vulgar yet so necessary to discuss.

I'm so exhausted all the time. Deep bone exhaustion as if I've run marathons for days. I try to do something and I fall asleep if I don't keep moving. It doesn't matter what time of the day it is. I wake up from sleeping all night, get dressed, wash up, then I am ready to sleep again. I make  myself to out and do something, I return after an hour or two and sleep again. I try to stay awake and read or watch TV because I'm too tired to do anything else and I fall asleep doing it.

29 January 2017

My exhaustion is tipping the scales of tolerability. I don't know if I can get up every single day. I am so exhausted always. I crapped myself about ten times this month, but I always wear a pad, so it wasn't a horrible one like I posted a while ago. That's only happened once. I am so tired though. I can't stand it. I fantasize about sleeping when I'm not sleeping and I am worried about the next day every day wondering how I'll do it. I seem to be ok if I don't have to wake up at 3 for work and stock shelves for five hours. When I have time off and laze around, I certainly get better, but who can live like that and how can my body stay healthy if I am a slob? I don't know. This job has helped so much. It makes me move, but it may be too much for me to handle. It is too much for a lot of healthy people, but maybe a lot of people are just lazy. Everything aches.