24 October 2013

So after waking up every hour or two last night all night until around 6 a.m., I had to wake up at 7 a.m. to get Jacqueline ready for school.  She's my daughter in grade 1.  I was so tired.  Jacqueline refused to get ready, so we both just went back to bed and woke up again at 8 a.m. I got her up and got her ready for school despite protest from her.  It was picture day and she informed me when she returned that day from school that she didn't miss pictures - thanks goodness!

So I didn't eat anything all day until noon.  I had these turkey wrap pieces and three pieces of candy.  Now, at 4:33 p.m. I am starting to have pain in my chest and I am starting trips to the bathroom.  If I don't eat anything the rest of the day I may be able to sleep all night tonight - I hope.  I'm so glad I have a place to complain.  This way, anyone who doesn't want to know about this, doesn't have to read it!!  Plus, I get a chance to vent how I feel about what is bothering me.  I can also document it.



I was just looking online for famous people with ulcerative colitis.  Out of ten, two people had their colon removed, one died of colon cancer, a couple are doing fine on drugs.  John Kennedy had colitis and when they did the autopsy on him when he died they found that he was on a lot of drugs for back pain (unrelated?) and also drugs to control his ulcerative colitis.  I can't remember the rest of the details.

I have been able to stop the blood in the past week purely by taking the supplements and vitamins.  I hope this is a good sign and I will get better.

23 October 2013

I would really appreciate a break from the pain.   It is constant and never-ending and I am always aching and exhausted.  I return from work and crash.  I do get up to do what I must, but every second I can, I try to lie down.  I am so tired of being tired.  I never sleep more than two hours at a time because I have to get up to go to the washroom constantly.  Sometimes I have to get up to go to the washroom after I went five minutes ago.  I am so bone tired.

At work I won a good write-up for doing a fabulous job and always moving and working hard.  I usually don't work longer than a five-hour shift though.  Sometimes I work 7.5, but mostly it's five hour shifts.

I started crying when I got the write up because I thought I was in trouble.  I was crying with relief that it was good.  I have tried very hard in jobs before and gotten in a lot of trouble, yet I was trying very very hard.  I thought this might be the same situation.  Thankfully and mercifully, a great customer boosted my efforts by saying I did a great job packing their food.  Woo de hoo hoo!

I ache as I write this though.  I'm going to try my best not to eat tomorrow and Friday and maybe I'll be able to sleep through the night and be good for work, besides being weak from lack of food, for Saturday.

21 October 2013

My stomach is hurting.  I ate today anyway, but my stomach is responding to anything I put in my mouth including water.  Juice hurts, water hurts, food hurts.  Anything.

20 October 2013

I feel like I'm dying.  128 lbs now.  My stomach hurts all the time.  I ate something for the first time in two days.  Chicken pot pie (a really great one from Costco) and a slice of strawberry cheesecake. I've gone to the washroom many times in the past two hours since I ate.  Bloody runny brown soup is what it looks like most of the time now.  I thought I'd lose it at work and not make it to the washroom.  I never went to the washroom while I've been at work except for a couple of times. So it hasn't affected my work yet. I'm pretty sure I'll have to see the doctor soon.  I can't control how much weight I lose.

18 October 2013

So, my stomach is still quite bad.  I went shopping today, not meaning to, but my 16-year-old wanted me to take her and her friend to the mall.  I brought my 6-year-old as I had nowhere else for her to go and I like taking her with me.  I tried on a size six pants thinking they would be way too tight and there was a sale, and I have no pants that fit me other than jeans and sweats.  So the size six was HUGE on me and I didn't even bother trying on the size 8 that I brought into the dressing room because of this.  I held my pants up and ran out on the floor to get a smaller size.  The smallest size next to six was zero.  Trying anyway I took them into the dressing room since they were a good sale and I thought I would try anyway.  They fit perfectly.  Wow, size zero fits me! That's frightening.  I got a couple of medium shirts that were too big, but the arms were long enough.  Any shorter and my sleeves would be too short, so I had to go with medium.  My stomach is doing OK today, but that's because I barely ate yesterday and I had a couple of spoonfuls of rice today and that's it.  My stomach still hurts anyway though even though I didn't eat almost at all.  It would be far worse if I ate though.  At least I can do things and not just hang around the toilet.

15 October 2013 Late late Evening

My stomach hurt very badly at work to the point where I was thinking I might not be able to work.  I didn't go to the washroom my entire shift for five whole hours (amazing) but that could be due to the fact that I didn't eat most of the day before and barely drank and didn't eat or drink anything today.  I had a dinner appointment with a friend from university at Granite City for six o'clock.  She doesn't understand Ulcerative Colitis at all. I felt horrible not eating in front of her at this restaurant.  Our waiter was not good, but he was very friendly, so at least that was nice.  Anyway, so I ordered french onion soup and an asparagus pasta dish.  I also had a hot chocolate and water.  I ate the whole french onion soup, minus the onions.  It was a very small bowl and a rip-off.  $4 something for exactly one measured cup of broth with cheese and croutons on it.  I ate HALF the dinner, which is very dangerous in my condition.  So so far, the repercussions are not too devastating, but the night isn't over yet.  We'll see what happens.

This is what I ate: 

Grilled Chicken and Asparagus Linguini

Chicken, prosciutto, garlic, asparagus, sun-dried tomatoes, oregano, onions, fennel, linguini, basil and pine nuts.

Totally jumped off the deep end on this one! Like I'm asking to die or something.  I was thinking nutrition when I ordered it and ignoring the fact that I was going to try not to have gluten, because I'm pretty sure fettuccini has gluten in it. I just wanted to be normal and not make my friend uncomfortable.  I didn't feel hungry at all, nor did I particularly enjoy eating anything.  My sense of hunger dies when I'm this sick, on top of that, I know it will hurt terribly later on.

15 October 2013

I am in a lot of pain all the time.  My desire to eat and drink is completely gone and anything I try to put into me because I know I should eat and drink turns to liquid and comes out my rear end.  I lost two more pounds.  Usually I'm 155 - 160 and I'm 5'10.  Over the course of the last two years I've dropped to 135 - 140 and now I am at 131.  I absolutely detest going to the doctor like I would imagine a person would detest prison.  It's horrible.  Except they torture you at the hospital and in prison they don't.  Although, I wouldn't know thus far about prison for sure, but I think I've heard enough to have it be pretty accurate.

If I get to 115, I'll go into the doctor and take their horrible medications.  I'll also go into the doctor if I get toxic mega-colon or if my temperature reaches too high or anything along those lines.  I have to go to dinner tonight with my friend from University and who I worked with at a Pharmaceutical research company.  So much for things going well, because drinking anything will be torture let alone eating.  She's surely going to think I'm anorexic, but if I cave in and eat I could end up in the hospital at this point and I don't want to cancel because of this as I do need some kind of life.