25 April 2013

I am on the toilet again.  It started at 2:45 am.  All I ate was some crackers and cheese after 1:30 pm and a small bowl of beans.  That's it all day.  Blood is back in faint traces and pink hues but not clumps of red as earlier.  I am so tired.  I was up the night before all night until 3:00 am.  I have to wake up to get Jacqueline to school and drive Jordan and Camille.  I wake up at 7:00 am.  I am so tired.

I sewed my son's merit badges on a sash and sewed his Boy Scout uniform properly.  I had to rip the troop number badges off and do them again.  It is difficult to get them on straight.  My fingers are so sore.  I started sewing at Noon or one and ended at ten at night.  I will try again to eat nothing tomorrow so I can sleep the next night.

24 April 2013

So after a very rough morning, and not eating anything all day, I felt totally OK.
Then, this afternoon, I ate food.  I now am awake at 1:28 a.m. with very loud rumblings in my tummy and (Pooh Bear words - I have a six-year-old) and I've taken about 30 trips to the toilet since 6:00 p.m. last evening.
I am so sorry I ate, again.
Tomorrow I will try very hard not to.  I need to be far more careful when I eat and what I eat.  It's just difficult when I have to feed everyone else in my family.

22 April 2013

So this morning I was deeply sorry I ate anything yesterday and I swore not to touch a morsel of food today.  I spent the morning and part of the night on the toilet.  My guts felt like they were burning inside me a bit.  I thought I was going to barf for a couple of hours.  I think I felt ill because of the pain.  I had three boiled eggs, crackers and cheese, some chicken and cheese ravioli (about five or six pieces of ravioli) and a scoop of frozen yogurt with 1/2 a banana chopped up in it.  I also ate two little foil-covered Easter-eggs.  For me, that is pigging right out because of the ulcerative colitis.  Today I had two slices of cheese and some crackers.  I'm going to have some peppermint tea and honey.  It's 1:31 p.m.  I don't really feel hungry anyway, so I'm not being tortured.  I'm going to take my vitamins and food supplements with the tea.

It's amazing how I can be so sure I'll never eat again and then there I go and eat.  I just feel fine at times, and then I feel very ill at other times.  I was considering removing my colon this morning, thinking it wouldn't be too bad.  Now it seems crazy to do it because I don't feel as bad.

11 April 2013

Snowstorm today in Moorhead, MN.  I ate some popcorn puffs (they are like soft air puffs from rice), one small bowl of pad thai noodles (rice based noodles) with no meat, only egg, some bean sprouts and sauce, and some ginger candy.  This made me poop blood.  My stomach always hurts, but not too badly.  It's OK.  I would like to go for a run.  I'm feeling brave, like I can make it a round the block without crapping myself.

10 April 2013

I couldn't take it anymore today. Well, I could, but chose not to. I have been eating very carefully since Easter. Easter gave me a flare-up eating all that home made food that was put in front of me. So I lost a couple of pounds which was kind of nice, but I haven't recovered from last year's massive attack. I was up to 147 lbs, which is ok. Ideally I would like to weigh 135 anyway. I guess I'll be there soon, but I don't want to go below that. Starts looking pretty thin and scary below 135. I'm typing this on my phone so I can't see what I'm typing. So after living on bits of cheese, rice puffs and rice crackers with only water or peppermint herbal tea with honey for 13 days, I had some Chinese food from my favorite restaurant for Chinese food (Snap Dragon) and now I feel so sorry I ate. I ate far less than a normal person would have. I'm sitting on the toilet as I type, grateful I made it and didn't go in my pants! I feel remorseful for having been so flagrantly flamboyant as to eat.Hopefully it will be better tomorrow.

Fourth April 2013 Getting Ill Again

So lately I have been feeling ill again.  I tried not to eat yesterday to give my body a rest and ended up eating after 2 p.m. I ate almost as I regularly would.  I was sick from that.  Today I haven't eaten so far and I'm going to try to not eat for a couple of days and take my vitamins and Astaxanthene and other supplements.  I really hope that I don't become too ill.  My joints are aching.  I have been exhausted lately and all I want to do is sleep.  I have a time of being normal between the time I get up (around 6:30 until around 3:00 p.m. and then I'm wiped out.  I still do everything, but my body is so exhausted.  That lasted for about a month or two.  The past two days though, since my stomach started getting worse, I started to realize it's the ulcerative colitis.  However, the past two days I haven't felt exhausted like the last month or two. My joints ache, but not too badly, but if I eat, my stomach has a very difficult time with any kind of food.  Even peppermint tea and honey.  I did feel better cutting off the food yesterday, until I ate again.  I still ate far less than I normally would.  That night my stomach was bad, but not as bad as I thought it would be.  Today my stomach is doing quite well after going to the washroom about five times this morning.  I feel my stomach hurts slightly and I wouldn't touch it too hard, but other than that, I am doing way better than the past two days.  Then again, I haven't eaten anything today.  I was somewhat hungry this morning, but when I become ill with colitis I don't feel as hungry.  The more sick I become, the less hungry I feel.  The less I eat, the better my stomach feels.