29 January 2017

My exhaustion is tipping the scales of tolerability. I don't know if I can get up every single day. I am so exhausted always. I crapped myself about ten times this month, but I always wear a pad, so it wasn't a horrible one like I posted a while ago. That's only happened once. I am so tired though. I can't stand it. I fantasize about sleeping when I'm not sleeping and I am worried about the next day every day wondering how I'll do it. I seem to be ok if I don't have to wake up at 3 for work and stock shelves for five hours. When I have time off and laze around, I certainly get better, but who can live like that and how can my body stay healthy if I am a slob? I don't know. This job has helped so much. It makes me move, but it may be too much for me to handle. It is too much for a lot of healthy people, but maybe a lot of people are just lazy. Everything aches.

17 January 2017

Exploding poop today which is so urgent I didn't totally make it twice. The other times I did. Poop and blood exploded all around the toilet in every conceivable white space. I was impressed. How can that even happen? My butt made a noise that I couldn't believe it even made. Usually you always feel it make a noise, such as the usual farting noise or pooping noise. This butt of mine also made a gurgle that I didn't feel. So weird. I feel so bad about the toilet. So gross.

11 January 2017

The joint pain is terrible. I came in from shoveling yesterday and I just about went to the hospital. It was terrible. It became better after a while, but still hurt and the pain never really subsided. I see a doctor on the 13th of February and he'll refer me to a specialist in the field. I also want to see a specialist regarding my bones, my knees, my shoulder and my feet. It could all be linked to my Ulcerative Colitis and the autoimmune condition which I think may spur on arthritis. Still crapping blood and low in iron.

3 January 2017

I am exhausted all the time. Absolute bone-crushing fatique is what I feel 100% of the day. My whole ten days off all I could think about when I was moving in any way was not moving. When I could go to bed it was exciting. When I use the toilet to poop chunks of jello-like darker red pieces come out that I know are not poop. I can't afford to go to the doctor. I'm afraid to go to the doctor when I have paid off my current doctor bill which is around $400. My dentist bill is around $400 as well from when I had a cap put on my tooth this summer. Then there's daily bills from normal life like mortgage. I don't want to incur any more debt, so I refuse to go to the doctor until I have enough money to comfortably pay for the doctor.

I feel like sitting around all the time. I did for seven days while on vacation. I didn't do anything physical except paint (fine art). Then I'd take a break and fall asleep on the couch, wake up an hour later then try to watch TV or paint. That's all I did. I made myself do some things with my daughters though. I took them sledding and went on a hike with the older one. I also did everything Christmas on the 24th - 26th.